Foreigners Gone - Martians Buying Manhattan Real Estate

New York. AP. May 4, 2008. A recent report released by Corcoran, Douglas Elliman, Halstead and Miller Samuel, firms which together control two-thirds of Manhattan real estate listings and most price information, claims that now that the dollar is strengthening, Manhattan real-estate market is no longer being bought by wealthy Europeans, but rather is being propped up by Martians, who sense a deal.... [more]

New York. AP. May 4, 2008. A recent report released by Corcoran, Douglas Elliman, Halstead and Miller Samuel, firms which together control two-thirds of Manhattan real estate listings and most price information, claims that now that the dollar is strengthening, Manhattan real-estate market is no longer being bought by wealthy Europeans, but rather is being propped up by Martians, who sense a deal. "That's right," claimed Barbara Corcoran. "We would have never expected it. First it was Wall Street, and as soon as they all lost their jobs, wealthy foreigners started pouring into the market in search of granite countertops. (Who wouldn't want a granite countertop?) Then, all of a sudden, with the strengthening of the dollar and the exodus of the Europeans, we saw an overwhelming increase in interest from Martians." "Indeed," said the ghosts of Ray Walston and Bill Bixby, who starred in that 1960's smash hit, 'My Favorite Martian.'" "As soon as we saw an opportunity," Bixby's ghost said, "I had Ray raise his antennas and send an APB to Mars." "Bingo," said Walston. "They were here in a jiff." "There was some interest from Mr. Ed and Secretariat," claimed Douglas Elliman II, chairman emeritus of Prudential Douglas Elliman, "but we directed them toward condominiums because we sensed an issue getting through co-op boards, who are still irrationally reluctant to approve sales to animals, despite their golden balance sheets." "Horses pee on the floor," complained Mrs. Corcoran. "Not good for resales." At that point Secretariat stomped his hoof three times, apparently in disgust. When asked how she saw the future of Manhattan real estate, Dolly Lunz, Senior Vice President at Prudential Douglas Elliman, was cheerful. "Once we're finished our marketing campaign on Martians, our next target audience is on Uranus, which is otherwise not a nice place to live." "But not bad to sniff," said Mr. Ed. "Unless it's Wilbur's." [less]